Final Leap of Faith?

To be honest, I don’t really feel like I’ve come to any sort of conclusion. I know my dreams will continue beyond the life of this blog and it leaves me, restless? apprehensive? Unfulfilled? Only a bit though.

I suppose the logical answer would be to continue the blog, yet as much fun as I’ve had sharing these very personal parts of me, there is just something about opening up that bounded journal. As I’ve said before, something inspiring about the feel of a pencil to paper and putting away your dreams in a drawer to take out later to share something once again. That might just be me though… and maybe the guy from the shinning…

Heeeeere’s Jennay!

Haha couldn’t help putting that in...
Admittedly, it seemed a bit daunting at first. Okay, maybe more than a bit, especially because it had a very rocky start. First of all, I was apprehensive to even share my dreams, because I’m not normally a very share all person. To make it worst, for the first couple of weeks I didn’t even have any dreams! So I didn’t have any immediate upfront dreams to share, which I suppose only added to the anxiety. Now that I look back after developing my blog, do I see other choices I could have employed, but nonetheless I tried small anecdotes.

I felt like I had let myself down somehow though. Originally agreeing to go out on a limb and share something as personal as my dreams, I eventually decided not to care what people would think of my outrageous dreams and laid them out.

I’m glad I did, because the experience was very rewarding. I did not feel judged by my classmates. In fact, they shared some interesting comments at times.
My favorite part of the process of blogging about dreams is how versatile it turned out to be. I played around with the creative aspects quite a bit. I wrote them as scenes, stories, recollections, and free writes. If I didn’t have a dream that I wanted to share, I discussed aspects of dreams such as myths and popular beliefs. I could analyze them, symbolically or within their context. I could discuss people and ideas that my current or past dreams related to. And some were simply therapeutic to share.
Honestly, I have more good to say about my blogging experience than anything negative. The first downside is it was really hard to change the format. For water reason blogger doesn't like the tab space at the begining of the paragraph, and couldn't even put it in manually, which was very frustrating. I tried very hard to try and break up my posts in various ways, but formating was a bit restricting I admit, even when I tried to copy and paste from word. I suppose my biggest struggle was consistency at times. The word count wasn’t the intimidating part, it was the time. The time I had to find to put aside and actually write. It was difficult at times especially when homework piled up and spring fever set in, but I got it done and I’m glad.
I can look back at my work proudly and know that it was worth it. =)

Facing It

I suppose the last dream I’ll be sharing with you guys happened to me just last night. At the moment I could consider it one of my worst nightmares. It haunts me during the nights that I dream of it and during the daylight that it slips into my mind. It leaves me uneasy, unlike any scary creature that creeps into my dreams.

I was at some sort of social gathering. It was evening and whosever apartment/condo we were in was not only a comfortable modern feel, but somehow homey. The living room, which is a main part that I remember, had a wide open feel to it, and a huge window with a glittering city view. The sofa was white, and me amongst other people were lounged around the room watching a movie. Light was flickering off of unknown people’s faces. It was somehow peaceful.
I was sitting closest to Amanda on the couch, leaning on her to get a better view of the T.V. I vaguely remember her either asking me a question or us talking about something. After our exchange I had a strange feeling though, I looked down at my stomach to touch it and I felt as if something were inside.
Next thing I know I’m in the bathroom taking a pregnancy test. The two minutes taking forever. It was positive.
While I’m sitting there in the bathroom with the light off, the only light coming in through the tiny window, who walks in, but my mom. “I told you this would happen. Now what are you going to do about school? Why don’t you go do some chemistry?” (Which I despise by the way.) She walks out.
I felt like all was lost and was going to keep this to myself as much as possible, especially from my boyfriend, at least for a little while. Until I figures out what I was going to do.
There’s a knock at the door and I have another visitor. Zach. My stomach falls, but the first thing he says is “Hey are you ok?” He knows what’s going on, and offers me nothing but comforting words. And somehow I feel okay.
Then I woke up. It wasn’t as bad as I recall it. I suppose it feels better just getting it off my chest.

Caution: extreme weirdness

I don’t know about everyone else, but I like to look back at the old dreams I’ve had and written down. It is definitely interesting to read them after a lot of time has passed because there are sometimes some very revealing things.
Sometimes the dreams relate to the issues you were going trough at the time, others that were trying to work out past problems. Whilst others, of course, just seem random.
For awhile, in high school, I tried to keep a separate journal of my dreams, but found it hard. Also, that I was too lazy to reach for another notebook or a different one other that my normal one. This dream journal in particular (I’ve attempted many, and others have been much more successful) started in high school.
I flipped open to the second page and started reading the entry I had written that day.
It was hence dated: October 18, 2004
I quote: “It started out that I had met this guy at this arcade, it must have been. We started out as just friends, then we decided to go out. For dates we hung out at his house, while we were there I tried to connect with him more. It seemed like he kept trying to avoid the questions or all he gave me were short answers. (By the way he had brown hair, kind of nerdy, but in his own cute way)”
It goes on to describe the rest of my dream, but there was a jump in it to something else.
So… creepy factor, I didn’t meet my current boyfriend Zach at an arcade, I met him in comm. College in Phoenix and we talked a little bit in out class, and we became friends on myspace. We wrote back and forth especially once I had moved to Tucson to go to the U. I was obviously interested in him, always writing a lot and asking a bombardment of questions. But he’d only answer a few that I posed n felt he avoided them, making me think that he wasn’t interested me in that way. But we continued messaging, as friends, but me always interested.
Last summer came around and we started to hang out as friends, especially after I invited him to my 21st b-day party. After that we went to quite a few of his friend’s house parties, and after we decided to start dating, hung out at his house. He’s a shy guy so in the beginning it was a bit hard getting much info from him, he gave me a lot of one word answers for a bit. Soooo Strange.

Loki

Oh my gosh. The other morning, I had the saddest dream about mah bebe! His name is Loki, he’s black and white, and has the cutest marking by his tale on his back that looks like a fin (we think he was a seal in another life) and his nose is the cuuuuutest pink color evah!

He’s my red nose pit! Though I don’t know why they call them red nose cause it really looks more pink than any color haha maybe it’s so they sound tougher? Haha well that’s not going to happen with my lover boy sissy! Everyone who has met him tell me that if he was human, they’d totally marry him! Haha I don’t know ask my friends!

Anyways, I was on campus and Amanda had shown up. She was on her phone talking to the police. She told me that there was a break in to our apartment. Immediately I was worried about Loki. And just as I was going to try and find him, some guy runs by and there Loki is right behind him on his heels ready to kick his ass. Amanda noticed she knew the guy, Jimmy was his name,for whatever reason. Well I didn’t want this guy to hurt Loki so I took off after them.

I don’t know how I did it but I was hurdling the gates with only two jumps, somehow keeping up with Loki and Jimmy. Suddenly, the Jimmy guy fell and Loki was on him getting a hold of his arm, and then I jumped in to hold the guy down so Loki didn’t get hurt.

At this point I woke up, and there was Loki’s stupid cute face looking at me with his big brown eyes. I was relieved it was only a dream and he was okay.

Multiple Wakes

I wish I would have blogged about this dream sooner because I feel like I’m forgetting some important parts in the beginning…but, here it goes…
It started out okay, just as a normal dream would go, but it took a turn for something I did not like.
Some strange figure or person was in my dream, and they did not have a good feeling exuding from them. As I’m writing this blog I can now recall the figure was holding my ankles down at the foot of my bed. He wouldn’t let go and the rest of my body struggled to move. I only remember needing to wake up.
I startled awake, lying in my bed. It happened very quickly that I looked over my room. Perfectly normal, right? My Pond and bridge painting on the wall my bed is against. The butterflies I stuck to the wall flying from it. My dresser is next to the head of my bed, and my bookcase on the opposite wall is closest to the door.
All seemed okay until the black mass started to form at the foot of my bed. I needed to get out of my room; this thing was way too scary. I managed to get out of my bed, but I stumbled out of it, not able to stand. I used my dresser to support myself and get myself out of my room. I stumbled to the other wall trying to get to my door. It was closed though and my body slammed against the door to grab hold of the handle.
The figure drew closer, as if he knew I wasn’t going to get away. I tried to turn the handle, but it shrunk in my hand.
Then I really woke up. Once again I was in my bed, but there wasn’t a heavy bad feeling this time.

The things I live through

It’s a myth. I swear. I’d prove it if I could but I don’t know what else I could tell you other than my own personal testimony. I think the first person I’d heard the myth of falling and dying in your dreams was from one of my elementary school best friends, Katie.
“In your dreams, if you’re falling and don’t wake up before you hit the floor, you die!”
Well, here is some living proof any of you who have heard that myth.
I was pretty freaked out when I first heard of this myth on account of I have plenty of bad dreams, so why not one where I’d plummet off of something??
I did have a few dreams of flying.. so that would put me at a high place to fall. But I wouldn’t call those instances falling technically because it was more like a crash landing at times or I couldn’t ever really get off the ground.
However, I do remember a dream that I had a few times when I was little. I was playing kick ball in a school yard with some friends and the ball would roll away from our circle of kicking. No one seemed to go after the ball so I did. I waved my little hand and called out that I’d get it. But as I got closer I realized it had rolled into a sewer drain thing. So I stick my arm, then my body as I could see that I could fit, and I end up falling in trying to get the ball.
I fell for quite a while eventually my body found solid ground with a thump. As I’d look up to see the little red ball in the sliver of light there was a huge chained bear that basically mauled me. That wasn’t nice. Other times it had been a huge black panther.
So.. if I can survive falling and maulings from massive animals.. I think that sort of disproves the myth.

Haunting X

Okay first of all, I am so fuckin’ tired of my ex being in my dreams. I wish I could punch him so hard in my dreams that he would feel in it real life, because frankly, I was already tired of his shit when we broke up what is it 3 years ago! Uggghhh fml! Or at least the dreams that he haunts me in.

Let’s see… one of the first ones was when I was in my house. It was very dreary that day so the inside wasn’t very bright and the inside was cast with a lot of shadows. He, his name is Luis, showed up to my door unannounced with some entourage that I’d never seen before. He wouldn’t leave my door step, so stupidly I let him in hoping my ignoring him further would motivate him to leave. No. Unfortunately not the case he stayed there and in my dream he seriously drove me crazy, it was pretty scary the feeling I got from it. But Zach eventually showed up and seriously saved the day. It was sweet..

Then I remember Luis being in another dream that I don’t remember much of anything that happened other than I saw him, managed to ignore him and walk by him. But this time he didn’t do his creepy follow me around or weird stuff that he usually does. So that was awesome and I was hoping that would surely be one of the last, but it wasn’t.

I don’t remember the most recent one he was in. Apparently it wasn’t important enough to remember. Ha so I don’t even care.